I feel trapped in this place I put myself in.

I tell myself that nothing matters.

I take the pieces I can find and hold them dear. 

Too bad she has already crossed the bridge that crumbles on itself once it has been crossed.

I am weak because I cannot commit myself to cross my own bridge. 

I am trapped between these two places.

I continue the effort even though I feel the burn, but I rather feel pain than nothing at all. 

The fear of loss overcomes me because I cannot detach myself from what was declared as irreparable.

You had the strength to take it all out, like an old living room set, but the carpet impressions are still there.

I can't do what you did. I don't want to do what you did, it's seems so wrong.

Yet, that is why I am trapped in this place. 

Standing between two bridges, one broken and one leading off the abyss.

I shall let time do the bidding, for I am too weak to do anything.

For now I can only wait and receive every last spec that is given.

Please don't cut me off, it only adds to the insanity.

 

No, I'm not talking about your biological family, but these wonderful people mind as well be, because they had fed you, clothed you, housed you, and just generally treated you as if were part of their family.

Ever since 5th grade, I have created bonds with these people that I call family even though, in my opinion, I did not make any contributions whatsoever. To this day, I still keep in touch with them even though I do not live close to them.


My first "family" was Jonathan and his mother Celia. Even though Jon was 2 years my junior, we quickly became the best of friends. It started out from playing video games on my free time at his house, but quickly grew to going shopping with Jon and his mother. It wasn't long after I became best friends with Jon that I had to move in with my dad. Ever since I have lived with my dad, I've spent a lot of my holiday breaks over at Jon's house. I could remember spring break one year, I took my computer there to play video games and stay over for the entire break. We would stay up into the wee hours of the night and I was always the one to sleep last (around early morning). I even spent Thanksgiving break at Jon's house where we had a turkey dinner with them and the next day went to Fry's Electronics for major Black Friday shopping. They trusted me with the budget to buy the parts and my first, besides for myself, computer build. I have not spent time with this "family" recently, however, I still think about how much they have provided me all those times I have been over there. I have truly been blessed to have met Jonathan and his generous and caring mother, Celia.



My second family happened to live two houses down the street from my house and it was so convenient for me to go back and forth between houses. My bond with this family was not initiated by a friendship but rather by a mutual relationship with the second daughter in the family. Joanna was my young sister's friend and even though we were not friends, I was always at their house whenever my sister was there. It didn't take long until I became a regular at the house. I regularly ate dinner and sometimes lunch there. Rosie, the mother of six, was such a great cook I was always tempted to eat more than my share at dinner. Whenever I was over, I spent most of my time with either Michael or Gabriel, the second and third son in the family. Even though they had very different personalities, I felt very close to them. I would usually be playing videos games or basketball with either of them until the back board broke, then we were left with video games or watching TV. At times I felt like I was the odd one out because I was so much more into school than everyone else, but in a way I felt like I could be an academic role model for the younger siblings in the family and motivate them to do better in school. I have many memories from the two years I knew the family and I even have permanent scars from being bitten by Gordo twice, one of their Chow Chows, on my right knee. When I had just started to become a regular at the house, I was invited to the back part of the house, where there was an open area between the house and the garage. I had to go through the back door to get to Michael's room, which was the garage that was converted into an extra room. When I was passing through the back part of the house I saw Gordo, the younger and larger Chow Chow in the family, and being my usual self (who is not afraid of dogs at all), I went over to pet Gordo. He showed no signs aggression when I walked over and it wasn't until I patted my right hand down above his head that he opened his mouth and lunged at my hands. I was quick enough to sway away my right hand to the side but not quick enough to realize that his teeth would eventually land on my right knee. And there I was, standing there with this terrible sharp pain on my skin where my right knee was. I didn't think Gordo did much damage until I lifted the pant leg on my jeans and saw an area 3 inches in diameter with his teeth marks in my flesh. Michael came by and took Gordo away, but it didn't take long (a few days later) for me to get a second scar by Gordo again in the same situation. Call my stupid but I wanted a better first impression with the damn dog, so I tried again. If I had actually tried to pet Gordo again after twice being bitten in the same location, I would have been officially stupidly insane. There was another dog that was pet-able and his name was Scruffy. He looked so old and frail most of the time that I was afraid to pet him for fear I'd hurt him. I have not had any contact with this family every since I moved to a nearby city but I have left with great memories that I would visit them when a good opportunity arises. Bless the family, for they have been great to me and no price could be put on the love and support they have given me.



I met my most recent family through tennis and school. The dad is the current tennis coach at my school and three of his kids are on the school tennis team. Gani is a great coach and father, even though he might be very critical of his twin sons of their tennis game, I know that he wants the best for them. I have known the family for less than year but so far they have treated me like family whenever I am with them. Besides regularly being my transportation from school to home after tennis practice, this family has taken me out to eat with them on Saturdays whenever I go to the park to play tennis. I am most close to the youngest and middle children in the family, Stephen who despite being 10 is highly intelligent and shows great potential to be a good tennis player in the future, and Maki and Mikko who are identical twins with polar opposite personalities. Maki, the more socially active one, has a lighter personality and enjoys the company of others regardless of who they are. Mikko, on the other hand, likes his personal space and is very critical of himself. The twins look up to me for whatever reason and I feel that it's an honor to be a mentor to them. Although at times I feel that I am inadequate, these kids never judge me simply because I had a certain character flaw. The youngest sibling, Stephen is so full of joy and I see him as the goof-ball in the family who never ceases to entertain. Even though I don't spend an equal amount of time with Stephen compared to the twins, I feel that I have grown closer him every time I see him. I think eventually I will grow closest to this family out of the many families I have been part of. Just recently, I received news that I will not be living in my father's house after graduation, which is totally fine, however, I have made a commitment to being part of the NJTL program here in Victorville. I hope I can stay with this family during the summer and work side by side with Coach Gani and go home to be part of their family. I thank God for his incredible presence in the Gani's family and his continued blessing has made the family very good Christians.


Have you ever had a "family" like the ones that have become such a big part of my life?